A is for Advanced!

Okay, if you have S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl installed, here's what you should do.

Download the following

• ABC: Advanced Balance & Collision
• ABC: Mod v1.0
  
• ABC: Inferno

Vanilla STALKER was fun, but the ABC content just makes it awesome. Here are just a mere few of the ways it will turn your STALKER experience into something hardcore:

• Night is realistically dark. As in, you can't see a f****** thing without your flashlight.
• The weather's got a mind of its own. In the space of five minutes it'll go from Spring Break to Silent Hill, and so on.
• Occasionally you'll receive a surprise visit from several angry ghosts and undead, all intent on making you bleed all over the place. Let's just hope you're with a group of allies when this happens, because once you hear the invisible girl scream, you're going to wish you had more ammunition.
• More mutants in more places. In the hour I first started, I came face to face with a Pseudo-giant standing on the bridge less than a minute's walk from the newbie outpost you start the game in. I also ran into at least three new mutant types.
  
• More inter-faction fighting. Also, I get the option to continue playing indefinitely, even after the whole end-game debacle.

Just grab it and start playing.

SCREENSHOTS:

If you think you're safe at this distance, think again.

"... what the hell happened here, Jeff?!"

This is not as dark as it gets.

Silent Hill took a turn for the worse.

Not sure what time of day it is.

Can you see anything?

Your flashlight will be of infinite value when nightfall comes.

MY RETINAS!!!

"I'm a lonely loner, a lone wolf..."

That can't be good.

The Best Command & Conquer 3 Mods

I'd like to take the time to write about three special mods for C&C3 that I've found highly entertaining.

These mods are purely for C&C3: Tiberium Wars. As far as I know, there aren't any mods for C&C3: Kane's Wrath, which is unfortunate, since Kane's Wrath kicks so much ass. I don't know why EA won't release the Kane's Wrath SDK. But in the mean-time...

These mods have helped make Tiberium Wars so much more enjoyable, that I've enjoyed playing through the campaigns with them. Consider them to be more highly recommended than Mila Kunis in a bikini...

... what?

I'm straight.

Seriously.

Anyway, they are as follows:

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COLORATIONS

This mod simply allows you to select from 32 new multiplayer colours. It also gets rid of that slightly frustrating EA intro which is normally unskippable.

Other than that, nothing else is altered. Everything else in the game is left as is.

Still, if you hate that annoying intro, then you'll probably want this. Consider the 32 new colours a bonus.
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TIBERIUM ESSENCE

You know how in some maps you could see the wreckage of old vehicles from the First and Second Tiberium Wars (read: Tiberian Dawn and Tiberian Sun)? Remember how you felt when you first saw that derelict Mammoth Mk. II lying there on its side, lonely and no longer useful?

Now you can have those classic units at your disposal!

Frankly, I thought the GDI had lost some of their aesthetic edge by getting rid of all their walkers apart from the Juggernaut. It was this as well as considerable nostalgia that makes this Tiberium Wars mod so enjoyable. I love the fact that this mod makes you feel like you're playing Tiberian Sun but with C&C3 visuals. GDI and Nod once again get that awesome Tiberian Sun feel to them, and the unit models look very well done - in fact I'd go so far as to say that they're on par with EA's work.

And when you realize that this mod actually works very well with the campaign, it's easy to see why this is easily my favourite Tiberium Wars mod right now.

What I'm trying to say is that you can now fight with all those Tiberian Sun units that you missed, including Cyborgs and Disruptors. As one would expect, some of them are replacements for several stock C&C3 units, such as the Devil's Tongue replacing the Flame Tank, and the Disc Throwers replacing the Grenadiers. I love how the Disc Throwers make short, devastating work of enemy infantry, it's almost delicious. As for the Pitbull, it's been removed from the GDI arsenal completely. I never really liked them anyway.

This is quite seriously a must-download for anyone who got bored of Kane's Wrath or just wanted to add some longevity to vanilla C&C3.

The following screenshots don't do it justice:

(CLICK IMAGES FOR FULL SIZE)

Now THIS is what a real Wolverine looks like. The ones in Kane's Wrath just didn't seem to resemble one-man armoured walkers like the ones in the Second Tiberium War.


Yes, these Predators have working mini-guns strapped to their main weapons, so they're surprisingly effective against both vehicles and infantry. The catch is that they're only available by way of a support power which air-drops three of them by V-35 Ox at the location of your choosing, so you'd be wise to protect them mid-transit.

The Titans from the Second Tiberium War make a triumphant return to the battlefield.

I'd rather my infantry were shredded down by these things than the tall, skinny Watchtowers of vanilla C&C3.

I got tired of looking at tiberium chasms sitting in the middle of tiberium fields instead of the tiberium trees of old.

More mutant mercenaries are available, including the infamous Ghost Stalker. As you can see, the mutant rocket squads borrow the look of the Nod missile soldiers, who get a different look themselves.

Once again, the Cyborg Reapers are at your command. They retain their tiberium healing factor as well as their net launchers which compliment their dual rocket launchers. Shown here with Tiberium Infusion upgrade.

I'd rather make use of Orca Bombers than the Firehawks we were expected to use in vanilla C&C3. However, the latter are still an option for those who still prefer to use them. Shown here with mini-gun upgrade.

You've seen them lying decrepit on the battlefield, as forgotten relics of a previous Tiberium War. Now it returns to fight evil - I assume Nick "Havoc" Parker would be overjoyed. If you think it looks massive here, imagine how much screen real estate it takes up in-game. Seriously.

Instead of Tick Tanks as in Tiberian Sun, we get these. They're still capable of burrowing into the ground in order to increase their survivability, however. Shown here with laser upgrade.

--------------------------------------
TIBERIUM WARS ADVANCED

I've been playing this one for a while now.

Basically, this mod makes some aesthetic changes to some units and effects, making them look more suitable for their roles, as well as adding both custom and Kane's Wrath avatars to some of the units. It also allows you to build units similar to those found in Kane's Wrath, such as the Centurion (Slingshot), Reckoner Transport, and Novice infantry (Militants). The latter have been given a nice overhaul, making them about as combat effective as your standard GDI Riflemen. They also look a LOT better than the updated Militants in Kane's Wrath, on which their appearance is based.

It's nearly bug-less, having just two bugs I have discovered, one of which I can remember. They're so trivial that they don't even affect game-play whatsoever, unless you're perpetually distracted by Nod Fanatics continuously rolling around in mid-air instead of disappearing after they've blown themselves up for Alla-- I mean, Kane. And somehow I doubt that you'd be distracted by inert Visceroids that sit there not doing anything.

There is one very minor issue I have with it though: a few of the changed infantry unit avatars (not the units themselves, of course), most notably the GDI Sniper Team, quite frankly look like shit.

SCREENSHOTS:

(CLICK IMAGES FOR FULL SIZE)

The Mammoth Tank got a slight visual change, as far as I can tell. The Predators, on the other hand, received something far more noticeable. Shown here with railgun and (for the Predators) missile launcher upgrades.

Nod Militants have been replaced by Novices (front) and Disciples (back). Obviously, they look a whole lot better now - much better than even the updated Militants in Kane's Wrath. Disciples come in groups of four rather than the standard two-man units as in vanilla C&C3. Also, the Novices are on par with GDI Riflemen in terms of firepower and survivability, even before they get the Confessor upgrade.

Nod Black Hand troops have had an aesthetic overhaul for the better. They've gone from silver armour and bright red capes to their current ensemble of black and red armour with either a black or a dark red cape. This look fits them perfectly.

Just as in Tiberium Essence, the mutants in TW Advanced gain more units for you to recruit from them. All mutant units are capable of healing and hiding in tiberium fields. The stock, minigun-wielding Mutant Marauders are still available, as are a new rendition of the Mutant Hijacker. Shown here are the Mutant Sentinels and the much-loved Tiberian Fiend.

To be perfectly honest with you, I prefer this GDI anti-air unit, the Centurion, over the Slingshot it borrows its look from. Watching it take down enemy aircraft is nothing short of awesome (note: this is a very MASSIVE under-statement).

--------------------------------------
Special mention goes to PROJECT REGENESIS!

In simple terms, the guy behind it was attempting to bring all the C&C: Renegade content onto Tiberium Wars in the form of a mod, and having played version 0.5, I have to say it's looking really great. As would be expected, the infantry, vehicles, and a few buildings have all been converted to perfectly resemble their C&C: Renegade counterparts. He made an intelligent decision by turning the GDI Commando into... you guessed it, Havoc. Sniper teams were also reduced to one-man squads and now use the Deadeye model as well.

I say 'he was' because he stopped working on it well over a year ago, in favour of other projects. It's a huge shame, really.

Some unit screenshots:

(CLICK IMAGES FOR FULL SIZE)

In a thread about about the quirks and little things you find attractive in the opposite sex

Tallerthanatree says:
I really like the idea of a girl I can sit down and watch something like Superbad with.

HDE says:
man, those chicks are far and few bewteen :/

Tallerthanatree says:
I've actually met a good number of girls who like those kinds of movies. Now, it'd be a real toughie to find a girl who likes Bubba Ho-Tep or Evil Dead 2.

HDE says:
you've got it good dude. i've only met one girl that would sit through my will farrel, adam sandler, rob schneider and ben stiller movies and actually enjoy it...but we're just 'friends'

Broken_One says:
^ That's life for you....you see great girls, but they're never the ones you can actually have, the ones to take home and call your own. C'est la vie...

Ark says:
^ Exactly. Instead you're stuck fighting off the unwanted advances of uggo girls who severely underestimate your own standards in women because they think that the combination of having a surprisingly massive bosom and being a slut will increase their chances of literally latching onto you and claiming you as one of their unfortunate victims, hopefully with your verbal consent.

I don't care about unattractive girls but what I really hate, among many, MANY things, is unattractive girls who sleep around with numerous guys and then expect you to literally go hard when they whisper this disturbingly hilarious information into your abused ears because they hope that their perpetual tendency to sleep with as many guys as humanly possible will compensate for their near-complete if not absolute lack of physical beauty.


This is Summer Glau. You may recognize her from the Terminator-related TV series, the Sarah Connor Chronicles.

Take a good look at her face here. This is how the girl in question looks when she smiles. It's literally, absolutely identical to the way Glau's face contorts to make this smile.

Now, I want you to imagine this face with the following features: darker skin, left eye is permanently crossed, one of her center teeth is coloured brown, hair is darker and more unkempt, wearing incredibly thick glasses, slightly bigger forehead, face is a bit ... fatter (she's quite stocky/chubby, depending on how you choose to look at it), lips are the disgusting type of colour combination of pinkish-brown with brown around the edges (and that's without make-up).

And this girl was telling me all this disgusting stuff and trying nearly every maneuver in the book, so to speak, in a feeble and desperate attempt to add me to her list of sexual conquests.

Susan: I want you...
Me: I'm a virgin and I'm waiting until marriage before I'm letting go of it.
Susan: Oh... sorry, I just get uncomfortable when I think about marriage. Uh.
Me: (thinking to myself) Not that I would even consider marrying you anyway.
LATER...
Susan: I want your first time to be special. (jumps on me)
Me: What are you doing?
Susan: Sorry...
LATER...
Susan: Have you kissed a girl?
Me: (thinking to myself) I think I know where this is going.
Me: No. I want my first kiss to be special. From that special someone. That someone I know I'll be spending the rest of my life with.
Susan: Oh. Okay. I agree with you then. (kisses me square on the lips)
Me: ...
Susan: Sorry.
Me: (twitch)

I don't hang out with her anymore.

All the "good girls" (in terms of personality or physical appearance or both) are taken, so to speak. When one comes onto the market, again so to speak, she's quickly taken up by yet another dude who plays sports, wears skin-tight shirts to show off their abs, drinks heavily at parties with the unabated encouragement of their parents, has an amusing hair-style that looks like a mullet drowned in hair spray and combed to supposed "perfection" over the course of two painstaking hours, and says "au" at the end of nearly every sentence, if not twice in each.

Once I became considerably more jaded and cynical (yes, I know, yet another [GM]Dave/Dr Cox clone, even though I became this way of my own volition and not because I wanted to be these people), I realized my priorities (somewhat) and now I've learned that the girls who really matter don't live anywhere near me. So much for finding the little things in your significant other that makes you swoon, so to speak.

The person you're spending the rest of your life with may or may not be out there. You may or may not spend your life with a significant other. Who cares.

BUT!

Don't lower your standards. I'm sure as hell not.

/rant

Disclaimer - We are not emo. We are cynics. Learn the difference.

YouTube Porno Extravaganza

No, I don't think the raiders did the right thing. Even if they were, for some odd reason, actually doing it for the reasons they claimed (that is, protesting the constant removal of copyrighted content from YouTube), they still did it in a stupidly destructive manner.

However, I've noticed a few stupid quotes by some who cared to comment on the issue, so I'm going to rip straight into them.

"I mean, think of what would have happened if you were a pre-teen or younger, and you found this video of your favourite recording artists performing a song you enjoy, and suddenly it cuts to the image of a lot of men demeaning and performing degrading acts on a female who is paid to perform as though she is enjoying it."
Y'know, it's funny how I NEVER hear about people protesting the woman committing degrading acts to the man. People are always complaining about the man demeaning the woman in porn but I never hear them complain about the woman demeaning the man. What, are men the only ones capable of demeaning anyone in porn?
And how the hell is the act of sex demeaning or degrading? It's not! I mean, obviously there will be people who watch it and degrade the women in the porn themselves by thinking of them as nothing but sex objects, but the act of sex itself is NOT demeaning or degrading AT ALL.
I mean, it's not like the "actresses" would've entered into the porn industry if they thought that porn was demeaning to them.

"All people, children included, should have access to such information and be allowed to make their own decisions and come to their own conclusions about it. Though the YouTube raid is rather childish, it will force some parents to acknowledge and explain things to their children that they would rather pretend don't exist."
Ah, I agree with you... slightly. You're right, the act of sex is an issue that shouldn't be perpetually ignored or treated as a subject of stigma. HOWEVER, it's not a good idea to expose young children to such material in the first place. Isn't it better to just wait until they're of a certain age like, say, 10? Maybe then you can educate them on the matters of sex, telling them only what they need to know. They can find out the rest as they get older.

"The only solution is stricter government controls on the content of the internet, and harsher punishments for those who violate those controls. Everyone involved in this hacking attack should receive no less than 25 years in prison, and should have to register as sex offenders."
Yeah, that's a fantastic idea. Stick someone in jail for stupidly deciding to troll YouTube with porn. You fucking moron, these are dumbass teenagers we're talking about. An 15-19 year old is not so likely to be as mature as a 25 year old, so do you REALLY think it's a good idea to jail them for 25 years just for being stupid and immature? You're just as idiotic as they are. Can you imagine what it would be like for him to come back into the world after 25 years of jail time? He'll be AT LEAST 40 years old and have next to nothing on his CV/resume, and because he's registered as a sex offender this might further impact on his expected inability to get any decent job after having spent two and a half decades locked away with REAL CRIMINALS. And you think this is fair justice? You actually think this is proper punishment for someone who made a stupid, negligible mistake due to his teenage idiocy?
Oh, and I can just imagine what it'd be like on his first day behind bars:
"I'm was just convicted for armed robbery, assault and destruction of property. What're you in for?"
"Oh... I uploaded pornographic material to YouTube..."

"It's bad that such material was uploaded to target children, but let's remember what YouTube is all about, allowing people to upload videos, and to share them with the rest of the world and to do it free of charge. Now this second characteristic I believe will make it close to impossible for YouTube to have trained people sit down and scan every video uploaded. If you are concerned about your kids watching such stuff, please take the pain to protect them."
Exactly. The internet is not a babysitter. PARENTS, DO YOUR FREAKING JOB PROPERLY - otherwise, don't start bitching when you wake up from a two-hour nap to find your 7 year old looking at hardcore pornography. This guy is not an idiot.

Note: I'd also like to add that any of the following examples would be defined as a sex offender by common law:

• Obviously, a guy who has stalked, bound and raped a woman. This is to be expected for the title of "sex offender".
  
• A guy who had consensual sex with his girlfriend once when he was 18 and she was 15. (in countries where 16 is the age of consent)
• If one of the above idiots had his way, a dick-minded teen who becomes bored enough to troll YouTube by uploading porn.

I'd comment further but I need more caffeine if I'm going to deal with the sheer amount of stupidity I sometimes wade into.

French Kissing

I'm neutral towards it, but the person you're doing it with should at least have a clean mouth, brush their teeth on a regular basis and enjoy a notable lack of halitosis or bad breath.

This girl who wasn't quite the looker at all (actually, as shallow as this sounds, she looks like someone beat her face with a branch ripped off the ugliest tree this side of the Tasman - and she was well-known for sleeping around with heaps of guys, too! While drunk! I know!) woke up one morning and decided that it'd be a good idea to try and make me one of her victims, and in the impossibly long time it took for her to grasp the idea that she was physically unattractive in nearly every way to me as well as comparable to a cyan-coloured and rather promiscuous cement mixer in terms of personality, she would try oh so many times to send me a look that can only be described as sultry in the same manner an elephant seal can be described as sexy. Yes, there she'd stand, staring through her unnaturally thick glasses with her permanently crossed eyes, licking her lips and occasionally baring her teeth including her one brown tooth that sticks out like a man wearing a one-piece at a nude beach while nonchalantly wiggling a certain end of her body at/on me in a vain attempt to entice me into playing her favourite game of Hide & Seek: Under The Covers.

I would not ever dare put my lips to hers, let alone have her tongue touch mine. She was quite saddened by this immediate revelation the first time but this did not put her off her incessant attempts to get me to reconsider my decision by way of leaning close to my face and feebly puckering her lips. Oh no.

From all of this, I can safely tell you there are two basic prerequisites for so-called "french kissing":

1.
Make sure it's someone you love. Not someone you merely like, have a crush on or think is cute. Make sure you only ever make out with your partner. Your partner with whom you have a very strong relationship.

2.
Both you and your partner should have a good, clean mouth. Brush your teeth regularly and take mints if you're still unsure about the state of affairs in there.

That being said, if you feel you should wait until after the wedding to start making out in this manner, then by all means, go ahead. Nothing wrong with that.

To be perfectly honest, however, there are a few circumstances in which I would completely flat-out discourage french kissing:

If you or your partner have performed certain sex acts including the mouth and a sex organ. Or worse, the ass.

If you french kiss in the midst of performing these actions, knowing full well where your tongues have just been, then you are a malignant tosspot with a fetish for the disgusting.

Seriously.

1st

Over time, it seems that somewhere between fending off unwanted attention from both hyper-conservative Christians (being a Christian myself, but that's largely irrelevant) and a group of hypocritical anti-thiests seemingly under the misguided assumption that atheists are never wrong about anything and that internet arguments are not only necessary but mandatory, and angrily thumping my hand on the poor desk out of pure malice for smooth lino-covered surfaces (or when my flatmates use up all their allotted broadband bandwidth and then proceed to use all of mine as well, effectively cutting me off from the outside world for 3 or so weeks), I discovered that my rage could easily be dispensed by a simple habit of meandering incoherence. So here I am.

I should issue a warning though, just so nobody (intelligent) tries to slap the undeserved label of "idiot person" on myself:

Whatever I write in this journal (I refuse to make use of the word "blog") of sorts is nothing more than my opinion, and if that's not good enough for you, please step onto a busy Auckland highway so the world won't have to put up with your mental deficiency anymore.

But other than that, I love you.