Monday, July 18, 2011

Swifty... BANNED?!?!?!?!?!

EDIT: Swifty was unbanned. You got what you wanted, now stop trying to crash the damn servers.

So it looks like a guy named Swifty was banned. Why? Because he, a relatively famous player, went and had a sheer crapload of his fans gather together as part of an event. The resulting furor crashed the server it was taking place on. I don't know whether it was an accident or not, but he then went on to do it a second time. And a third time.

He then got banned.

And now the filthy, roiling masses out there are ravenously crying out for Blizzard's blood.

Too bad.

Now, I wasn't actually a part of the event itself and I was not there to observe. Hell, I didn't even know who "Swifty" was until maybe 12-24 hours ago. So I won't comment on whether he was right or wrong, whether he should've been banned.

No. Instead, I'm going to address you cancerous stains.

Blizzard, this is an extremely unjust and unconstitutional infringement on a person's rights. Hundreds of people testify that Swifty had nothing to do with a server crash, he was holding a contest to get players into YOUR game.

Whether it was unjust is debatable, but unconstitutional? Infringement on a person's rights? Yeah, no. Nothing of the sort. I don't think you know what "infringement of rights" is.

Unless you personally made Swifty aware of each server's capacity at any given second of every day you have no right to ban him.

They don't have to tell people anything about their server capacities. And they have every right to ban anyone they wish. How about you actually read the contracts you so blithely scroll past every time a patch is installed? Their ass is protected.

You will be banning hundreds of people from these forums because you are unable to deal with what you've done, the server issue was a big one, but you just opened a can of worms you will not be able to close until Swifty is unbanned. You may even ban me but I WILL file legal action since you'd be infringing on my freedom of speech, electronic or verbal, guidelines are the same.

You're threatening to file legal action for infringing on your freedom of speech on a forum run by Blizzard?

By the way, trolling and spamming is against the forum code of conduct.

Blizzard, I pity you.

That's great, sweetheart, because I pity you too.

It seems like alot of people want Swifty to be punished simply because he is a celebrity, or Icon.

It seems a lot of people want Swifty unbanned simply because he's a celebrity or icon.

If I was Blizzard I would unban you Swifty because hey, I'm not gay

Smooth. Blizzard will come around when they find out you insulted them. They don't like getting their feelings hurt.


Waiting on a Blue to chime in with some balls. Blizz is much to arrogant to ever admit they were thinking with their ego.

Good luck getting them to listen to you with crap like that coming from your keyboard.

He was a legend in wow, and an inspiring guiding hand to new players. Something you are not.

This is relevant, how?

I love this. Worshiping someone because they play a game is P A T H E T I C.

This. Nothing wrong with certain players having fans, but idol worship at such a rabid level is nothing short of retarded.

a basement virgin with a beard who was wrongfully deprived of his account with a large gaming company

Actually, if you bothered to do even the most miniscule of research, you'd find that this is not the case.

He may have been able to appeal for his ban to be reversed, but not anymore. Not after all his 'fans' started crashing Darkspear. The painful irony of it all is that because of his fans, Swifty is screwed. They more they crash Darkspear the worse he looks.

Exactly. His fans are the ones stuffing things up, if anything.

When you court swine for a fanbase, you can't really be suprised when they act piggish. It's hilarious that they don't get that all they are doing is ensuring that he NEVER comes back. He had a chance after it happened when he wised up and shut his mouth, but his fans just couldn't leave it alone and they gave Blizz no choice but to make him an example. You "fans" have no one to blame but yourselves.

Damn straight.

excuse my ignorance, after reading 5 posts about this swifty guy, I need to ask, who is swifty?

Where's the ignorance? I've been playing WoW since early 2005 and I knew nothing about Swifty until this whole debacle. Not only that, but I had never even heard of Athene until very, VERY recently. And I've only known about TradeChat and Totalbiscuit for a year or so.

Hey Blizz. Wake up.

Stop projecting.

Blizzard this is your fault. Your servers should not be crashing no matter the amount of people that play on them...

I truly hope you are being sarcastic here.

Blizzard %%*#ed up for banning him. People are going to go nuts until he is unbanned and i for one am goign to quit WoW if they dont unban him. P.S %%*# YOU BLIZZARD!

Buying gladiator, look the other way. Selling Blizzard store codes for gold, look the other way. Botting in BGs, look the other way. Botting in the game world to farm mats, look the other way. Inadvertently crash servers due to a contest with 4000 followers, Permaban!

Are you reporting such occurrences? If anything, there aren't enough reports going in. This is a long-term tug of war between Blizzard and botters. Every time Blizzard counters their methods, the botters come up with something new. Then Blizzard shoots it down again. And the cycle continues. That's how it works. If you disagree with me, you are wrong. Suck it up.

This is evidence of Blizzard's horrible player relations. I encourage everyone who supports social gaming to cancel their account, citing Swifty's ban as reason. /unsubscribe

If you actually do unsubscribe, you'll be back a week from now.

Seriously, I am eating the QQ in this thread up. This is like a troll's paradise... I just can't be bothered to troll it, it's already to delicious...

I know, right?

Why didn't blizzard do a cease and desist order from blizzard and issue a warning to disband EXACTLY how it happened when people made a bunch of level 1 taurens for the "run for ezra" the little boy that died from cancer ( who also got the first phoenix mount in game )?!??

I would guess that it was to do with a well-known, well-liked kid dying and Blizzard thus choosing to be more sensitive about the matter.

Saying you don't know Swifty is like saying "HI, I'M NEW TO WOW, WHAT IS MOLTEN CORE? IS THAT A NEW HEROIC?"

... Do you have some sort of intellectual disability? There has got to be something wrong with you if you actually believe this.

Someone is pissed because they aren't Swifty. :/

Resorting to "herp ur just jelous" comments now? Seriously? If you have no other ammunition available, then I feel sorry for you.

srlsy....... im crying ;s this is the most sad momment in the WOW history!!!!! im sry Swifty :(
I cried a bit while reading the  /w from the GM
I am actually sitting in front of my cumputer crying because Swifty is banned.

Then you three have a problem. Go outside.

thats sad, blizzards servers fucked up and its his fault? This is why i play private servers, and i dont give blizz my money anymore

Rest assured, no one who matters misses you.

I won't play WoW another day until Swifty is back. Fuck you blizzard.

See above.

I deactivated my account and when they asked why i linked this youtube video.

See above.


Because disrupting the game for everyone else, including the majority of players who have absolutely no idea who the hell Swifty is, will make Blizzard change their minds. Yup.

Dont be Cunt's if you crash the server again youll make swifty's job harder..........Think!

Except they won't think because they can't, due to their inferior intellectual capabilities.

Just keep crashing the servers till they give him his acc back lol
People should crash servers until he gets his account back !

Nice moral high ground. You're only making it more difficult for your beloved Swifty to get his account back.

Ugh Blizzard are Nazis. ALmost every forum getting swifty has either been deleted or locked, with a gm telling us we are "trolling".

Stop making multiple threads about it and stick to the one thread that has (at the time of writing) 157 pages. Spamming is against the forum code of conduct.

Don't You'll get your account banned! Say it nice and calm! WE NEED TO BE RATIONAL

Why are you bothering to reason with the worthless apes? They won't listen.

blizzard needs to get a hold of it's ego my god they got billions of dollars to fix a minute problem good god

Terrible players exaggerate.

None of this is opinion. All of this is fact. If you disagree with me, you are wrong. Deal with it.

If you're going to support either Blizzard or Swifty on this, use your head. Use common sense, even if it's not all that common anymore. Neither Blizzard nor Swifty need retards defending them.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Why You Are Complaining About Nothing

Alright, in the period surrounding Starcraft 2's release, I have noticed something that has caught my eye. Wow, how wonderfully descriptive!

The sheer amount of stupidity surrounding this game is absolutely off-the-wall retarded. Now, it's pretty bad on both sides of the fence here - rabid Starcraft fanboys facing off against equally, if not moreso, rabid Starcraft 2 haters. For the purposes of this post, however, I'm only going to address the haters, who seem to have taken on a distinct method of attacking Blizzard and their newest game with incredibly moronic reasoning behind their arguments... that is, if you could call it an argument. As it stands, it's more along the lines of gnashing their teeth at a brick wall for whatever pathetic reason they can think of.

I want to make it clear here, that if you genuinely hate Starcraft 2 for actual, real reasons, then that's fine. I personally love the game and find it very enjoyable but I'm willing to acknowledge its faults. But there is a highly vocal group of haters out there who loathe the game for objectively stupid reasons. And when called out on their bullshit, they retaliate with the all-too common cry, "you're a fanboy! DERP!".

Here are some worthwhile arguments you might make against Starcraft 2.

  • No LAN functionality.
While this has nothing to do with the game itself, I can sympathize with your concerns about LAN functionality. I would love to play this game over a LAN connection, and I'm not so sure about how SC2 will fare at LAN parties such as xLAN. I can only hope they are up to the task. I myself signed an internet petition (as futile as I figured it was) to bring LAN mode back to SC2 but it didn't help, although to Blizzard's credit they did at least acknowledge that they had noticed our concerns.
That being said, a lack of LAN functionality is not a good reason to hate this game. It more than makes up for it.

  • Terrans are over-powered.
I don't know if this is really the case in multiplayer, as I've only just started delving into the Practice League, but this is a decent point. At times it can certainly seem that way but Blizzard balanced the original Starcraft extremely well over the last decade or so, and as such you can expect them to do the same with this latest installment. Nevertheless, it's all up to each individual player to bring out the strengths of their chosen race.

  • The voice acting needs improvement.
I agree here in some places. The Protoss don't sound nearly as "alien" as they did in the original SC2, especially the Executor (advisor, the guy who tells you when your base is under attack and whatnot), the Zealot (hello, generic stoic yet honourable alien warrior!), and the Carrier (which doesn't sound as threatening as it used to). A few of the Terran units could use a voice-lift as well, most notably the Goliath. That being said, I'm happy to report that Blizzard managed to compensate for the bad by bringing in the good - SC veterans will gladly notice that a lot of the Terran units sound exactly the same as they did in the old game. And as for the Zerg... well, after playing as them in the Practice League, I've already become quite irritated by the Zerg Queen who doubles as your Advisor. For once I found myself nostalgic for the days when the Overmind was telling us we needed to spawn more Overlords, and now I have what sounds like a creepy elderly lady telling me in a seething voice that my allies are under attack every second - and I mean literally every second. It got to the point where I went to the Options menu mid-game to find a way to shut her the hell up. I'm considering finding a way to change the sound files in-game so I can bring back the Overmind as my Zerg advisor instead. At least he's bearable for me to listen to. And on the subject of Overlords, as one person put it, they sound like "retarded donkeys". He's right. The Zerglings also leave a bit to be desired with their voice-work. Other than that, the voice work is pretty satisfactory. Hell, they even brought back the old voice actors to voice Arcturus, Raynor, etc. Pretty sweet. Zeratul sounds like the Lich King, unfortunately, but I don't see what else they could've done seeing as his original voice actor died a while back. Rest in peace, bro.

  • The story didn't feel complete.
Personally I disagree, although obviously the story had to be a bit open-ended so that Heart of the Swarm would pick up right where Wings of Liberty would end. I felt the story was pretty good but if you don't, that's okay.

  • I didn't find it fun to play.
That's fine. Everyone has different tastes. Maybe you enjoyed Warcraft III more. If that's the case, you'll probably enjoy the upcoming SC2 expansion, Heart of the Swarm, given that its single-player campaign will be similar in style to an RPG.

  • No Cross-Region Play
This is also understandable. It's not game-breaking, but it is understandable. If I had friends in another region, I wouldn't be happy about paying for another client so I could play with them. That being said, it's not the end of the world.

Now, as for the ridiculously shitty reasons you people have for gnashing your teeth against this game so bloody loudly... let's just say I'm normally not one of those people who says something and presents it as unbreakable fact. However, that will not be the case this time. Everything I'm about to say is 100% right and you are 100% wrong if you use the following arguments against SC2:

  • Starcraft 2 is too expensive!
Oh please. I'm on the unemployment benefit and I still managed to buy this game. Typical decadent Americans, bitching about paying $60 for a game. This is just like you, complaining about price. Hell, you idiots go on about paying $15 a month for WoW. Well, guess what! here in NZ, we pay $25 a month for WoW, and SC2 cost us $90-110 ($200 for the Collector's Edition). Do you see me complaining about price? No. And you certainly have no right to until stores start pricing their stock at $200 for each standard edition game.
And another thing: every time I walked into a game store, I'd always notice how console games cost more than PC games. Funny, that. And yet you're complaining that a PC game is too expensive. If I, being on the unemployment benefit, could afford this game, and if teenagers with part-time jobs can afford this game, then so can you. Yes, I know it's probably not just Americans who are complaining. I don't care. Stop bitching, all of you.

  • SC2 only has one campaign; you're paying full price for a third of a game!
Someone actually told me, "But it has always been Blizzard's modus operandi to include a campaign for every faction in their games."
Yes, I'm well aware that the original SC had a 10-mission campaign for each of its three factions, which added up to 30 missions. And yes, I'm aware that its expansion, Brood War, had another three 10-mission campaigns, one for each faction, again adding up to 30.
Oh, I take it that as a gamer you're aware of the concept of expansion packs, right?
Now, let's do some simple math:

Starcraft: 30 missions, split between three races.
Starcraft 2: 29 missions, one race.

"Aha! See? One race! Blizzard is ripping us off!", you cry. Wrong. If you say that Blizzard split SC2 into three parts because they want to get more money from us, you're making the mistake of assuming that the second and third parts of SC2 won't cost them any money to make. That's not how it works, sunshine. Blizzard decided to split the game into three installments this time in order to provide us with really good single-player campaigns. Yes, you might not give a stuff about single-player but strong single-player has always been a core part of Blizzard's games. In Wings of Liberty, we got a 29-mission mercenary style campaign. This simply would not have worked within the confines of 10 missions. Blizzard tried something different for once. And they did it well. Both upcoming expansions will have campaigns that are each of the same length. Hardly a rip-off. They're releasing it in three parts because each campaign is going to be done in a different style: Terrans = mercenaries, Zerg = RPG, Protoss = diplomacy. None of this would work with relatively short 10 mission campaigns. This is fact.

As for the pricing, read this:

8) Will they be priced as expansions?

They'll be priced appropriately to the content. Right now, the plans are to do something along the lines of a full single player campaign and some additional features to the multi-player side. It'll obviously use the same engine; so that, to me, is an expansion price point. If we decided to put in 3 new races and a bunch of new technology and features, maybe that would be a stand-alone product. But right now, we're looking at much more of an expansion-like feature set.


In other words, it looks like the expansions will be - *gasp!* - priced as expansions!

And you want to know the real icing on the cake? Right now, you're all bitching about how Blizzard has released what you perceive to be an "incomplete" version of the game. But if Blizzard had decided to wait until they had finished all three campaigns (a grand total of 90 missions) before they released the game, you people would all be bitching about how they're taking far too long.

  • There's no originality - this is basically a rip-off of Warhammer 40k!
The game is fun. That's what matters. I'm well aware of how similar the Terrans, Zerg and Protoss are to the Imperium, Tyranids and Eldar. I don't care. When making a game, what's more important: game-play or originality?
Hint: The correct answer is game-play. If you disagree, you are wrong.

  • I can't play online with my friends in another region unless I buy another client!
As I said above, this is an understandable concern, however if you are using this as an argument against buying the game, then you're an idiot. Plain and simple. The only ones who have a right to complain about this are those of us here in the ANZ region, i.e. Australia and New Zealand. We SC fans in these two countries were a bit miffed to discover that we were being grouped with a whole bunch of Asian countries, which presents a whole bunch of problems such as the obvious language barrier which is a big hurdle on the step to a viable SC2 community. As gamers, we have a lot more in common with North America, and as such we wanted to play online with them instead. Thankfully, Blizzard actually understood this and have rectified the situation by stating that they plan on allowing us ANZ players to choose between the South-East Asian and North American regions. Had Blizzard been as "evil" as you continue to assert, they wouldn't have done this.

  • No chatrooms in!
Blizzard will be implementing chatrooms at a later date. Besides, this is more an issue with than with SC2. And anyway, the main purpose of is to allow you to play games with other people. Talking to them in chatrooms isn't exactly a priority there. If you want chatrooms now, there's other ways of getting them. IRC and Ventrilo are two suggestions.

FUCK this game…….All they care about is making money they don’t know not every fuckin body has high speed internet to fuckin update game or the time to wait fuck Blizzard !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Blizzard has proven time and time again that this is not the case. They have yet to even consider selling in-game items in WoW that would give an inexperienced (or plain terrible) yet rich player an advantage over those who have yet to genuinely earn their arsenal. All they're selling are decals and cosmetic effects, a flying mount (that is incapable of flying unless you've actually earned the ability to fly in-game) and things like cross-realm and cross-faction transfers, name changes, etc. They've even allowed South Korean players the benefit of getting joint SC2-WoW game time - you pay for one, you get the other as well. Not to mention the fact that, despite certain assertions, Blizzard is not going to charge you for downloading new maps. The fact is, they are going to let you download 99% of user-made maps for free, and charge a miniscule amount for only the best, most high-quality custom maps while giving some of the money they make to the map-makers. This doesn't smell like greed to me. Nowhere near it.

Bottom line: if you think Blizzard is ripping you off, don't buy the game. And if you already have, don't buy the expansions.

I personally found the game to be well worth the $100 I spent on it. Did I like the fact that I had to fix it to my account? No. Did the game more than make up for it? Hell yes.

If you're going to act like a spoiled child (and a lot have), you clearly don't deserve what you're so readily demanding.

Take your false sense of entitlement and piss off.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

I just dinged 80 for the first time.

This is exactly what happened when I ran a heroic dungeon for the first time.

I use the Dungeon Finder tool to get myself into a "random group". It's rather quick. I zone in.

The mage they're referring to here is me.

Looting set to Need Before Greed.
Loot threshold set to Uncommon.
Dungeon Difficulty set to 5 Player (Heroic).
[DG] [Gulizakiya-Blackrock]: cya everyone... ! have a nice day
Darty-Blackrock is now the group leader.
Gulizakiya leaves the party.
Mithun receives loot: [Frostweave Cloth]x2.
Mithun receives loot: [Relic of Ulduar].
Mithun receives loot: [Frostweave Cloth]x4.
Mithun receives loot: [Frostweave Cloth]x2.
[P] [Crustysocks-Blackrock]: pro mage cool
[P] [Mithun-Nagrand]: lol
[DG] [Darty-Blackrock]: from 6k gs rogue
[DG] [Darty-Blackrock]: to this
[P] [Crustysocks-Blackrock]: lol
[DG] [Darty-Blackrock]: i am dissapoint
[P] [Crustysocks-Blackrock]: tsk tsk tsk
[P] [Crustysocks-Blackrock]: lets find another dps
[P] [Crustysocks-Blackrock]: kick mage in 13 min
[P] [Mithun-Nagrand]: lol
A role check has been initiated. Your group will be queued when all members have selected a role.
Darty has chosen: Damage
Mithun has chosen: Tank, Damage
Crustysocks has chosen: Healer
[DG] [Darty-Blackrock]: naww hes cool
[P] [Abditus]: are you guys serious?
[DG] [Darty-Blackrock]: poor guy
[P] [Crustysocks-Blackrock]: lol
[P] [Mithun-Nagrand]: yeah give him a chance
[P] [Crustysocks-Blackrock]: oook
[P] [Mithun-Nagrand]: imagine if u just dinged 80
[DG] [Darty-Blackrock]: i did
[DG] [Darty-Blackrock]: yesterday
[P] [Abditus]: I would've thought the purpose of heroics was to gear up
Abditus has chosen: Damage
You are now queued in the Dungeon Finder.
[P] [Mithun-Nagrand]: lol
Oolong joins the party.

At this stage I accidentally pull an elite mob and a few non-elites as well. No big deal.

[DG] [Darty-Blackrock]: or pull shit
[P] [Abditus]: oops my bad
[P] [Abditus]: soz, not a good first impression aye

Never mind that then, we'll just move on.
Unfortunately, through the next few battles, it's apparent that something is wrong. I'm doing my usual job of AOEing the non-elites down, but near the boss Krystallus something happens: during a fight, I get charged seemingly out of the blue by one of the mobs (probably an elite) and killed in one or two hits. No idea how that happened. I was just standing there AOEing them like usual. Perhaps the tank was not keeping aggro like he should have.

[P] [Abditus]: umm
Reputation with Horde Expedition increased by 20.
[P] [Abditus]: yeah
Reputation with Horde Expedition increased by 2.
[P] [Crustysocks-Blackrock]: ownd
Oolong receives loot: [Relic of Ulduar]x3.
Your share of the loot is 14 Silver, 49 Copper.
[DG] [Darty-Blackrock]: i 2shot you brother
[P] [Mithun-Nagrand]: sorry im quite laggy 2nite
[P] [Crustysocks-Blackrock]: lool
[Crustysocks-Blackrock] says: Recount - DPS for Overall Data
[Crustysocks-Blackrock] says: 1. Oolong 5547.1 (26.5%)
[Crustysocks-Blackrock] says: 2. Pocketknives 4860.8 (23.2%)
[Crustysocks-Blackrock] says: 3. Darty 3608.6 (17.2%)
[Crustysocks-Blackrock] says: 4. >Abditus<-Thaurissan 2697.7 (12.9%) [Crustysocks-Blackrock] says: 5. Gulizakiya 2598 (12.4%) [Crustysocks-Blackrock] says: 6. Mithun-Nagrand 1575.4 (7.5%)

I wait a moment to see if I'll get a res. No such luck. At this point, I release spirit.
And why is he bothering with Recount on TRASH MOBS? Non-elite trash mobs, unbelievably.

Changed Channel: [1. General - The Storm Peaks]
Changed Channel: [3. LocalDefense - The Storm Peaks]
[P] [Crustysocks-Blackrock]: 2k with aoe...nice
[P] [Abditus]: I shouldn't have to put up with this
You leave the group.

Key notes: they obviously had much better gear than I had, as I had only just dinged 80 and my GS was only 2700 while theirs was in the 4-5k range. You do the math.
This is my first level 80 character. If this is what it's commonly like to be playing at level 80, then there's a very serious problem. And it's not with me.

Bloody 14 year old kids.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Eh, what?

Girls like to feel wanted. If I don't think a guy wants me, then I don't want to be pursued by him. Trust me, its happened to me before, no girl wants to pursue a guy. We feel pushy and needy and stupid. Man up and call her the next day. If you drop her off before midnight, call her around dinner time. If you're gonna text, text her around lunch. You have to make up for your lack of balls somehow, and a few extra hours sounds like a decent trade off. :P

- Katie, CFF

You know what?

Fuck your pro-female bullshit.

Why does it have to be this way? Why do you have to wait for the guy to call? Why not call him?

What is it with you females expecting the guy to call you? It's just as bad as the fact that you expect the guys to initiate holding hands in the bloody movie theater. You think the most appropriate action would be for you to gently bump his hand with yours so he can suddenly click and realize that you want to entwine your hand with his? Fuck off. If you want to hold hands so much, HOLD HIS HAND. HOW FREAKING DIFFICULT IS THAT?

I see nothing wrong with girls pursuing guys, but already I've been labeled a wuss by who is most likely the bitchiest member of the site. She also labeled me an attention whore. I'm not sure how that works, since I typically keep a low profile, so to speak, and my post count is lower than one would expect of a forum attention whore.

Being scared has nothing to do with it. I'm sick of this hypocritical type of so-called gender equality.

The burden does not lie solely with the guy.

Seriously, ladies. If you're watching a movie and it's dark and you want to hold your boyfriend's hand, hold his fucking hand.

Monday, September 21, 2009


"Women can get away with so much more they have no idea...
They think they have it tough sitting at home doing half the household, while expecting their husband to work 9-5 and then do the other half of the household. Women like that make me sick."

- Some person I don't know

The feminism of yesterday was great. It was worthy of our attention.

But the "feminism" of today is a joke.

Here are just some comparisons people have made. Some of them are completely true. Some of them are slightly exaggerated. But they certainly make one think.


When a woman leaves a man because the man is stuck in a dead-end job, she is strong-minded.
When a man leaves a woman because the woman doesn't clean the house properly and asks him to do half the household even though he works 9 to 5, he is a sexist pig.

If you do not buy your girlfriend flowers, chocolates and jewelry, you are selfish.
If a female does not buy her partner gifts, nobody cares.

If a woman chooses to be single, it’s because she’s an independent and strong grrrrl who doesn’t need a man.
Yet if a man chooses to be single, he’s obviously a woman-hater with “issues.”

Women expect to be treated equally in society today, and will fight to have their equality acknowledged.
Yet they still want doors opened for them, flowers bought for them, and they can still hit men whilst men can't hit them back.

If a man sees a woman naked, then he's a pervert.
If a woman sees a man naked it's indecent exposure.

If a woman wants a boyfriend/husband but no man is interested in her, then men are obviously just insecure chauvinists who are afraid of her because she’s an intimidating career girl, or men are too irresponsible and childish to be a Real Man and take care of a woman and perhaps any illegitimate bastards she’s got in tow.
If a man wants a girlfriend/wife but no woman is interested in him, then he’s obviously ugly or irresponsible or has a small dick or whatever, and women are just sensibly avoiding him because they want Mr Prince Perfect, not some loser like him.

When a woman dates an ugly man, she obviously saw some deep and meaningful aspect of his inner self which out-values any physicality he may possess.
When a man dates an ugly girl, he obviously chose her as a last resort because he couldn't manage to find anybody better.

If you punch your girl in the face because she's a bitch, you're a sad little man.
If she punches you in the face because she is a bitch, you're a sad little man.

When a woman wears make-up, people think she's pretty.
When a man wears make-up, HE'S A FAG.

If a woman forces herself onto a man, it's called taking control.
If a man forces himself onto a women, it's called rape.

When a man hits a woman there is no justification.
When a woman hits a man, the man obviously was asking for it. It's even supposed to have comedy value.

When a woman hits a man, he did something to provoke her.
When a man hits a woman, it's assault and battery and he gets arrested.

When a female soldier gets killed in battle it's front page news.
When a male soldier gets killed in battle, it barely makes the news.

If a man dates multiple women, he's a player.
If a woman dates multiple men, it's ok because there's no ring on her finger, she doesn't belong to anyone and she has the right to do whatever she wants.

If a woman is on drugs, has no stable income, has psychiatric issues whatever, and decides to get a kid, it's okay. Her husband who has a stable job, clean record, nice house in good neighbourhood, is then tired of her constant bullshit and leaves her.

Why is it that when a guy laughs at the small breasts of a woman he's a sexist asshole, but when a girl laughs at the small penis of a guy she's doing no wrong?

If a woman hits a man then the man must have done something to deserve this.
If a man hits a woman he has to go to court.

If a man leaves an expensive item in his car and it gets stolen then the man is an irresponsible fool.
If a woman wears shit-loads of makeup, acts like a total whore, drinks to the point she can't even walk, and then gets raped, she's the victim and in no way responsible for her own behavior.

If a woman kisses another woman it's okay because it's hot and she's just experimenting. Even when she's married.
If a man kisses another man he's a faggot.

If a woman leaves a guy because he has a low-paying job it's okay. She's strong and modern and a woman!
If a guy leaves a woman because she barely cleans the house, doesn't take care of the kids, sits in front of the TV all day, HE'S A MAJOR ASSHOLE. HOW COULD HE BE SO HEARTLESS. MAN = PIG.


The face of evil.

Read all that? Good. But there's one other observation some have mentioned: massive wedding ceremonies.

If by some really odd chance I end up getting married (yeah, laugh all you want), I'm going for a nice private wedding. I want as few guests as possible, hopefully none but I'm willing to have family and possibly our closest friends in attendance. I want it to happen somewhere nice, like on a beach at sunset, or perhaps somewhere less cliched but just as (or more) beautiful.

I do NOT want to take part in a needlessly extravagant wedding ceremony where I stand up in front of everyone trying to fit an unnecessary diamond ring on my soon-to-be-wife's fat finger while the generic priest beside us tells me to kiss her while the crowd of 200+ people, most of whom I don't even know let alone get along with, stare blankly at my ridiculous tuxedo as I attempt to fulfill an entire set of stupid, selfish traditions. Why do women often state their desires for a "big beautiful wedding" instead of mentioning the great relationship they have with their boyfriend and the hopes she has for their future when marriage is mentioned? What the hell? Fuck tradition. I want something memorable. I want something meaningful.

Why does it have to be all about her anyway? What about me? What about the groom? Why does it always have to be about the woman getting her "grand fairytale wedding"? And then she has the nerve to get all shitty when even just one minor thing goes wrong, no matter how insignificant it is. Why is there always some kind of emphasis put on the woman's "dream wedding" but no thought is given for what should also be one of the guy's biggest days of his life?

And what about the sheer amount of money that's put into a two hour ceremony? That money would be better off elsewhere. We could get a house. We could buy furniture to populate said house. But no, eons of selfish women and tradition dictate that we spend that money on a ring that later gets replaced by a blank feature-less halo that adorns her wrinkled fingers five years later. Tradition dictates that we use our hard-earned money that we spent so long saving up on a mere two-hour ceremony. Tradition dictates that a generic priest tells me when to kiss the woman that is about to become my wife. Tradition dictates that I cannot see my wife-to-be in the preceding hours before the wedding or else bad luck will befall our marriage, or some shit like that. Tradition dictates that... ah fuck it. I could go on, but I might have to carve a swastika into my arm just to calm myself down.

If she wants a massive extravagant wedding ceremony, she'll have to pay for all that useless shiny white crap.

Monday, August 31, 2009

A is for Advanced!

Okay, if you have S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl installed, here's what you should do.

Download the following
Vanilla STALKER was fun, but the ABC content just makes it awesome. Here are just a mere few of the ways it will turn your STALKER experience into something hardcore:
  • Night is realistically dark. As in, you can't see a f****** thing without your flashlight.
  • The weather's got a mind of its own. In the space of five minutes it'll go from Spring Break to Silent Hill, and so on.
  • Occasionally you'll receive a surprise visit from several angry ghosts and undead, all intent on making you bleed all over the place. Let's just hope you're with a group of allies when this happens, because once you hear the invisible girl scream, you're going to wish you had more ammunition.
  • More mutants in more places. In the hour I first started, I came face to face with a Pseudo-giant standing on the bridge less than a minute's walk from the newbie outpost you start the game in. I also ran into at least three new mutant types.
  • More inter-faction fighting. Also, I get the option to continue playing indefinitely, even after the whole end-game debacle.
Just grab it and start playing.


If you think you're safe at this distance, think again.

"... what the hell happened here, Jeff?!"

This is not as dark as it gets.

Silent Hill took a turn for the worse.

Not sure what time of day it is.

Can you see anything?

Your flashlight will be of infinite value when nightfall comes.


"I'm a lonely loner, a lone wolf..."

That can't be good.

Friday, August 21, 2009

The Best Command & Conquer 3 Mods

I'd like to take the time to write about three special mods for C&C3 that I've found highly entertaining.

These mods are purely for C&C3: Tiberium Wars. As far as I know, there aren't any mods for C&C3: Kane's Wrath, which is unfortunate, since Kane's Wrath kicks so much ass. I don't know why EA won't release the Kane's Wrath SDK. But in the mean-time...

These mods have helped make Tiberium Wars so much more enjoyable, that I've enjoyed playing through the campaigns with them. Consider them to be more highly recommended than Mila Kunis in a bikini...

... what?

I'm straight.


Anyway, they are as follows:


This mod simply allows you to select from 32 new multiplayer colours. It also gets rid of that slightly frustrating EA intro which is normally unskippable.

Other than that, nothing else is altered. Everything else in the game is left as is.

Still, if you hate that annoying intro, then you'll probably want this. Consider the 32 new colours a bonus.

You know how in some maps you could see the wreckage of old vehicles from the First and Second Tiberium Wars (read: Tiberian Dawn and Tiberian Sun)? Remember how you felt when you first saw that derelict Mammoth Mk. II lying there on its side, lonely and no longer useful?

Now you can have those classic units at your disposal!

Frankly, I thought the GDI had lost some of their aesthetic edge by getting rid of all their walkers apart from the Juggernaut. It was this as well as considerable nostalgia that makes this Tiberium Wars mod so enjoyable. I love the fact that this mod makes you feel like you're playing Tiberian Sun but with C&C3 visuals. GDI and Nod once again get that awesome Tiberian Sun feel to them, and the unit models look very well done - in fact I'd go so far as to say that they're on par with EA's work.

And when you realize that this mod actually works very well with the campaign, it's easy to see why this is easily my favourite Tiberium Wars mod right now.

What I'm trying to say is that you can now fight with all those Tiberian Sun units that you missed, including Cyborgs and Disruptors. As one would expect, some of them are replacements for several stock C&C3 units, such as the Devil's Tongue replacing the Flame Tank, and the Disc Throwers replacing the Grenadiers. I love how the Disc Throwers make short, devastating work of enemy infantry, it's almost delicious. As for the Pitbull, it's been removed from the GDI arsenal completely. I never really liked them anyway.

This is quite seriously a must-download for anyone who got bored of Kane's Wrath or just wanted to add some longevity to vanilla C&C3.

The following screenshots don't do it justice:


Now THIS is what a real Wolverine looks like. The ones in Kane's Wrath just didn't seem to resemble one-man armoured walkers like the ones in the Second Tiberium War.

Yes, these Predators have working mini-guns strapped to their main weapons, so they're surprisingly effective against both vehicles and infantry. The catch is that they're only available by way of a support power which air-drops three of them by V-35 Ox at the location of your choosing, so you'd be wise to protect them mid-transit.

The Titans from the Second Tiberium War make a triumphant return to the battlefield.

I'd rather my infantry were shredded down by these things than the tall, skinny Watchtowers of vanilla C&C3.

I got tired of looking at tiberium chasms sitting in the middle of tiberium fields instead of the tiberium trees of old.

More mutant mercenaries are available, including the infamous Ghost Stalker. As you can see, the mutant rocket squads borrow the look of the Nod missile soldiers, who get a different look themselves.

Once again, the Cyborg Reapers are at your command. They retain their tiberium healing factor as well as their net launchers which compliment their dual rocket launchers. Shown here with Tiberium Infusion upgrade.

I'd rather make use of Orca Bombers than the Firehawks we were expected to use in vanilla C&C3. However, the latter are still an option for those who still prefer to use them. Shown here with mini-gun upgrade.

You've seen them lying decrepit on the battlefield, as forgotten relics of a previous Tiberium War. Now it returns to fight evil - I assume Nick "Havoc" Parker would be overjoyed. If you think it looks massive here, imagine how much screen real estate it takes up in-game. Seriously.

Instead of Tick Tanks as in Tiberian Sun, we get these. They're still capable of burrowing into the ground in order to increase their survivability, however. Shown here with laser upgrade.


I've been playing this one for a while now.

Basically, this mod makes some aesthetic changes to some units and effects, making them look more suitable for their roles, as well as adding both custom and Kane's Wrath avatars to some of the units. It also allows you to build units similar to those found in Kane's Wrath, such as the Centurion (Slingshot), Reckoner Transport, and Novice infantry (Militants). The latter have been given a nice overhaul, making them about as combat effective as your standard GDI Riflemen. They also look a LOT better than the updated Militants in Kane's Wrath, on which their appearance is based.

It's nearly bug-less, having just two bugs I have discovered, one of which I can remember. They're so trivial that they don't even affect game-play whatsoever, unless you're perpetually distracted by Nod Fanatics continuously rolling around in mid-air instead of disappearing after they've blown themselves up for Alla-- I mean, Kane. And somehow I doubt that you'd be distracted by inert Visceroids that sit there not doing anything.

There is one very minor issue I have with it though: a few of the changed infantry unit avatars (not the units themselves, of course), most notably the GDI Sniper Team, quite frankly look like shit.



The Mammoth Tank got a slight visual change, as far as I can tell. The Predators, on the other hand, received something far more noticeable. Shown here with railgun and (for the Predators) missile launcher upgrades.

Nod Militants have been replaced by Novices (front) and Disciples (back). Obviously, they look a whole lot better now - much better than even the updated Militants in Kane's Wrath. Disciples come in groups of four rather than the standard two-man units as in vanilla C&C3. Also, the Novices are on par with GDI Riflemen in terms of firepower and survivability, even before they get the Confessor upgrade.

Nod Black Hand troops have had an aesthetic overhaul for the better. They've gone from silver armour and bright red capes to their current ensemble of black and red armour with either a black or a dark red cape. This look fits them perfectly.

Just as in Tiberium Essence, the mutants in TW Advanced gain more units for you to recruit from them. All mutant units are capable of healing and hiding in tiberium fields. The stock, minigun-wielding Mutant Marauders are still available, as are a new rendition of the Mutant Hijacker. Shown here are the Mutant Sentinels and the much-loved Tiberian Fiend.

To be perfectly honest with you, I prefer this GDI anti-air unit, the Centurion, over the Slingshot it borrows its look from. Watching it take down enemy aircraft is nothing short of awesome (note: this is a very MASSIVE under-statement).

Special mention goes to PROJECT REGENESIS!

In simple terms, the guy behind it was attempting to bring all the C&C: Renegade content onto Tiberium Wars in the form of a mod, and having played version 0.5, I have to say it's looking really great. As would be expected, the infantry, vehicles, and a few buildings have all been converted to perfectly resemble their C&C: Renegade counterparts. He made an intelligent decision by turning the GDI Commando into... you guessed it, Havoc. Sniper teams were also reduced to one-man squads and now use the Deadeye model as well.

I say 'he was' because he stopped working on it well over a year ago, in favour of other projects. It's a huge shame, really.

Some unit screenshots: